If only you knew the source, you would have quenched it from there!
A gas cooker works with flames, but without turning those knobs, putting out the flames will be a tough job, because the gas is loose.
When the knob is turned, the gas valve simply shuts and the flames just go away.
When a cooker is out of gas, just no amount of effort on the knobs can keep the flames ablaze.
Flames are sustained by the gas but are controlled by the knobs.
Take away the knobs and the flames grow wild, but take away the gas and everything ends.
Disconnect the gas and the fire quenches.
Fire outbreaks are similar; flames keep spreading from one spot to the other but when you detatch anything else that could burn, you’ll see the fire sieze.
Anger outburst works like flames.
Something happens and the anger comes.
With a closer look, it’s not really that which happened.
Confusion mixed with irritation can cause anger outbreak.
When something happens and you just can’t fix the fault.
That feeling of frustration or severe agression is what we call anger.
How could he have done that?
What was she thinking?
Do I look like a rag?
Oh! How could they?
Agression or severe displeasure is fueled by the scenario in the mind.
Transfered agression is when the expression that was exhibited for one scenario is carried into another.
Temper is like the thermometer that reflects the state of mind, it could range from cool calmness to hot anger.
Control your temper. Don’t just let it rage.
You’ve got the knobs that tune it, please don’t set it loose.
Temper is lost when you loose a point, with enough patience to find the point, you can control it.
“I don’t get it!”,
“Go straight to the point!”
are some things you might hear.
Clarification makes it subside.
Then you’ll hear something else.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” or “You would have said it that way.”
Argument fuels temper and really gets it hot.
Most times, most people are right in their own eyes and they just wonder why others don’t get it.
They think that shouting their opinions louder would drive the point home, but unfortunately, it only generates more adrenaline, increases the tension and intensifies the anger.
Raising voices and throwing fists while the contending party is doing the same, only compounds the pressure.
Holding unto assumptions and previous experiences, often hinder clarification.
“This was exactly what you did the last time!” or “Can’t you ever learn?”.
Recollecting such often brings bias and that creates annoying images.
Treat every new moment with a clean fresh slate and face the current challenge with the very present facts.
Anger has a handle and that’s understanding the facts. Don’t be in a haste to blame, that fuels anger too. Verify your own omision that added to the situation and rather than shouting, think of what next to do.
Accomodating and respecting other peoples’ opinion reduces the chances of an outburst.
E.g “stop disturbing me!” or “you are getting on my nerves”
This signifies that the other person’s desire or preference at the moment does not suit yours and you won’t even give room for it.
There are always conflicts with choices, preferences, sharing space and different things. Resolving such conflicts mentally first, reduces the chances of physical conflicts which will in turn trigger an emotional outburst.
The moment you justify an action, you’ve fixed the missing link. It terminates the argument and tranquilizes the temper.
Distrusting people ahead of time will trigger misjugding their actions too.
But trusting first before an encounter gives room for verification, when misunderstood.
Anger is an emotion.
Emotion is from the mind.
How does it conceive things and what does it perceive?
The impressions it carries, generates emotions.
Feed it with the right thoughts and get the right results.
Generate the wrong pictures, you’ll experience it’s clone.
And when you start fuming with rage, you magnify the thoughts.
Rather than boiling when hurt, figure out your mistakes.
Ofcource, you didn’t clarify something or the other person didn’t get it.
Learning takes a process and we must admit that.
Don’t think a child is perfect and would always do things right. Anyone could forget and not do things as planned.
But that should not upset you, you should only learn from it.
Learn how to present your case so that nobody will miss it. But meanwhile, focus on a remedy and not the milk that spilled.
Anger is often linked to blame, we can blame a torch for not shining or a car for not starting.
We can whine about not having money or not being educated.
We can hold our parents responsible for our misfortunes but as long as we keep doing that, our minds are focusing on the perceptions that create anger, depression, sadness, envy and the likes.
If we become responsible and eliminate pride, we would be able to look at people’s mistakes objectively and instead of a default reaction of an outburst of rage, we’ll figure out solutions on how to both move ahead and how to communicate better.
Have you considered closely, how you communicate with yourself internally?
Do you feed your mind with ideas that suggest other people’s cruelty, carelessness and craftiness or do you ponder on self developing and emotional liberating thoughts?
Do you ask such questions as; who does he think he is or how can she compare herself to me?
When you devalue others or place more value on yourself than them, you will find it very difficult to tolerate or to accomodate their discrepancies.
Getting results that are different from our expectations can be annoying but when we focus on finding what went wrong and fixing it, we wouldn’t be bothered about the burden of blaming, scolding and lamenting over who caused it.
Setting measures to either punish or teach people is not out of place but transferring our focus from the things that matter to the things that dont, often generate room for grieviances.
If solutions and moving foward is what matters, then clinging to past mistakes is not the right root.
If happiness and fulfilment are the emotions we desire, then focusing on faults and mistakes will not provide the right atmospher.
Fill your thoughts with hope and your minds with prospects. Find a way to encourage others and the communicate effectively.
Associate with the productive and the happy, to both enjoy and practice their way of doing things.
Evaluate your views and perspectives of life, to ensure that they synchronize with your expectations.
Do all of these habitually and see how things can change.
I’ll love to end this on a happy note, rather than on anger.
Let me ride on word for word and see on what note it ends.
If you are a gas cooker and your temper is your flame, your mind is the gas cylinder and your thoughts is the gas.
Mind what thoughts you feed your mind, for they reflect on your face.
Your tone of voice, your internal feelings are all linked to the mind.
Your physiology and psychology are both influenced by thoughts.
The best way to shun anger is to embrace happiness.
The only way to embrace happiness is to saturate yourself with it.
Both thoughts of it and acts of it are important to experiencing it.
I would take responsibility and be happy than push the blame to others and be angry at them.
Life is good and so is everyone until proven otherwise.
I’ll go all out, proving that life is good and the more I find the facts, the more it is good to me.
Life is sweet, life is beautiful, life is indeed good and that’s why I’m happy.